22 July 2010

One Butt Cheek at a Time by Amber Kizer


Gert Garibaldi isn't one of those people who believe high school is the best part of life. She has a whole notebook full of rants about high school, and she's fully aware of how ridiculous the experience is, thank you very much. Gert just wants to survive the next three years, one butt cheek at a time, with her best friend, Adam, by her side - and maybe Luscious Luke attached to her lips. With a stapler. Or something. But muddling through isn't even as easy as it seems - there are geriatric parents to deal with, Homecoming festivities (admit it - those words just sent a little chill down your spine), crushes, ed (both sex and driving), and potential new boyfriends - for both Gert and Adam. Frank, funny, and totally unique, Gert's ready to pull on the Pants of Life and start dancing.
So.  Two things.  ONE: This is the most freaking hilarious book I have ever read.  Gert is just...so open and honest and if you're sensitive to the more...eh...delicate issues of the female body, then you'd be blushing like crazy during a few parts of this book.  Amber Kizer is both subtle and blatantly obvious with this book.  TWO:  There is practically no plot structure to this whatsoever.  It's written like a journal, not a real novel.  And life usually doesn't have a nice and tidy, i's dotted, t's crossed plot.  But it's just so funny and honest.  There is no holding back with Amber Kizer.

If you're currently down in the dumps--or if you ever get down in the dumps in future--think of this book and go grab it from the shelf.  Just reading a few pages will have you laughing.  Gert's rants and raves are eclectic.  I wouldn't be a bit surprised if this were Amber Kizer's own teenage journal--even though she has a particular thing to say about the word "journal".  Point is: this book helped alleviate the stress I was feeling today.  (A hypocritical teacher + failing a class = comfort foods, holla!)  So even if you aren't feeling a little down in the mouth--got sick of saying "dumps"--this is still a wonderful book to read.

While it is short and easy, Amber Kizer poses questions that I'm sure every female teenager has thought about at one point or another.  Ladies, ever been caught in class and your monthly friend pays a visit--and you have NO backup to speak of?  That's covered.  Ever had a gay best friend that starts spending more time with his wanna-be boyfriend than you?  Gert's feeling ya.  Ever been suddenly horrifically embarrassed by your eyebrows and gone through the pains of plucking?  Ooo, Gert's definitely feeling your pain.

So if you want to laugh--and please, who doesn't?--grab this book from your library.  It was so fun.  Oh, you're still not convinced?  Let me demonstrate, shall I?  If you don't laugh, then you can go back to your intense drama reading.  By all means.
Mr. Fritz tells Sarah to check her mirror, and we all fasten our seat belts. Giggle sucks. Is she driving or playing car croquet? Holy-Mother-of-Brake-Pads, it's not like we're learning to drive a stick. It's a freakin' automatic. There's no need to drive with both feet--at the same time. The right foot, Princess, use only the right one.

I wonder if anyone has ever sued the school district for whiplash brought on by other student drivers. I may break ground. Be a legal precedent. (p. 156, paperback)
Read it. Love it. Covet it.  But don't get crazy.

Book Info:
  • pages -  paperback, 295
  • published - October 2007
  • publisher - Delecorte Books for Young Readers
  • genre - realistic fiction
  • rating - 5/5
  • summer reading - #16